10 Things I Wish I Could Tell My Postpartum Self

Written by Rachel M. Menge, LCSW, PMH-C

Navigating the postpartum period can be both beautiful and challenging. The transition into motherhood comes with its own set of joys and struggles. Looking back, there are many things I wish I could have told my postpartum self to make the journey a bit smoother and kinder. Here are ten insights I wish I had known:

1. It’s Okay to Ask for Help

You don’t have to do it all alone. Reaching out to family, friends, or a professional doesn’t make you weak; it makes you wise. Accepting support can help lighten your load and provide much-needed relief. You also teach your baby, from a very early age, that taking care of oneself is okay.

2. Your Emotions Are Valid

The range of emotions you’re experiencing is normal. Whether you feel overwhelming joy, sadness, or frustration, it’s all part of the process. Many parents experience regret or doubt about their decision to become a parent - this is not a reflect of being a bad parent, it is a natural reaction to undergoing a difficult transformation. Don’t dismiss your feelings—acknowledge them and seek support if needed.

3. Self-Care Isn’t Selfish

Taking time for yourself is crucial. Even small acts of self-care, like a quiet cup of coffee or a short walk, can rejuvenate your spirit and make you a better caregiver. Consider your needs and turn to your support network for assistance during this time.

4. Bonding Takes Time

The bond with your baby may not happen instantly, and that’s okay. One of the major myths of motherhood is that bonding occurs immeadiately. For some it does, but for many it takes time. Many moms report feeling overwhelmed or even scared when they first meet their baby. Give yourself and your baby time to get to know each other. The connection will grow naturally with time and patience.

5. Your Body Needs Time to Heal

Your body has been through an incredible journey. Be patient with your recovery and give yourself grace. It’s okay if you don’t “bounce back” immediately—healing takes time. It’s also okay to consider professional supports, like Pelvic Floor Therapy, if you are concerned about your progress.

6. Prioritize Sleep

It’s a cliché for a reason. Sleep deprivation can intensify feelings of overwhelm and anxiety, and is strongly associated with the development of postpartum mood and anxiety disorders. Rest whenever possible, and don’t hesitate to nap when your baby does. If professional sleep support is an option, consider giving yourself permission to utilize a postpartum doula or night nurse.

7. It’s Okay to Feel Overwhelmed

Motherhood can be incredibly demanding. Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re human. Don’t hesitate to take a break or seek help if you need it. Remember - you’re adjusting to a whole new way of life, with little sleep and perhaps while recovering from the physical trauma of birth. You will adapt and adjust, and things will eventually get easier.

8. You Are Doing Enough

In the age of social media, it’s easy to feel like you’re not doing enough. Remember, you are seeing a curated highlight reel of someone else’s life. They have different resources than you, different strengths, and different struggles. Their success or failure has no barring on your own journey. If you still struggle with perfectionism in motherhood, consider learning about the concept of the Good Enough Mother. Hint: If you have a strong negative reaction to that term, you may benefit from learning about it.

9. Cherish the Little Moments

Amidst the chaos, try to find joy in the small moments. The first smile, the tiny fingers wrapped around yours—these are the memories that will stay with you. Take pictures of any moment you think “This is why I did this.”

10. Seek Professional Help if Needed

Postpartum depression and anxiety are real and treatable. If you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Therapy, medication, or support groups can make a significant difference.

Conclusion

The postpartum period is a unique and challenging time. Remember to be kind to yourself and prioritize your mental health. You are not alone in this journey, and seeking support is a sign of strength. By sharing these insights, we hope to provide comfort and encouragement to all new mothers navigating this transformative time. If you’d like a partner to help you explore your own motherhood experience, our perinatal therapist are here to help. You are welcome to schedule a session to discuss how we can help you find balance, joy, and purpose.