Making Mom Friends: Why It’s So Hard (and What Can Help)

There’s this unspoken myth that once you become a mom, you’ll naturally fall into a beautiful mom squad—texting each other memes, sipping iced coffees at the park, and scheduling group playdates like it’s second nature.

But for most people? That’s not how it happens. In fact, many women I’ve worked have shared that they find that they become more isolated and lonely after becoming mothers. So, what can we do?

Making friends as a mom can be unexpectedly emotional. You’re navigating a huge identity shift, your time and energy are limited, and your emotional bandwidth is often stretched thin. And beneath all of that, there can be a real fear:
What if I try and they don’t like me? What if I come off as needy? What if everyone else already has their group?

So instead of reaching out, many moms wait. They scroll social media. They keep hoping someone else will make the first move.

And in the meantime? They feel lonely.

The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything

Here’s one of the most powerful shifts I’ve seen—both in therapy and in my own life:

Move from “I need to find my best friend” to “I just need to connect with someone today.”

Letting go of the pressure to find your person makes everything feel lighter. It opens the door to small moments of connection—ones that can eventually grow into real friendship.

Practical Ways to Make Mom Friends

Here are some strategies that can help you build real connection—without pretending you're less tired or more “together” than you are:

1. Join groups where other moms are already showing up.

Think: story times at the library, music or swim classes, PTA events, or local Facebook groups. These settings create repetition—which helps faces become familiar and conversations feel easier over time.

2. Keep a regular pattern.

Go to the same park every Thursday afternoon. Stop at the same café after preschool drop-off. Predictability builds trust and creates more chances to bump into the same people.

3. Be the one who engages first.

It feels vulnerable—but it’s powerful. Say something small and kind:
“Your daughter’s jacket is so cute.”
“We’re still figuring out this nap thing too.”
It doesn’t have to be deep. It just has to be human.

4. Create low-pressure opportunities to connect.

Invite a couple of moms over for a playdate—even if your house is a mess. Start a “bring your own coffee” stroller walk. Host a casual group dinner with kids running around in pajamas. When you open your space—even imperfectly—you give others permission to do the same.

The Real Blockers: It’s Not Just Time

Let’s be honest: a lot of us aren’t just busy. We’re scared.
Scared of seeming too eager.
Scared of being seen as annoying or awkward.
Scared that if someone really saw how messy or overwhelmed we are, they’d back away.

That inner voice—the one whispering that you’re a burden, or that everyone else already has their people?
That’s shame talking. That’s the fear of being “the loser mom.” And it’s more common than you think.

This is where therapy can help.

In therapy, you can gently explore where those beliefs come from. Maybe it’s old friendship wounds. Maybe it’s perfectionism. Maybe it’s anxiety about being vulnerable.

You get to practice a new story, one that sounds more like:
“It’s okay to want connection.”
“It’s okay to reach out.”
“It doesn’t mean anything bad about me if it doesn’t click right away.”

You’re Not the Only One

I once worked with a mom who told me, “Everyone already has their group. There’s no room for me.”
Over time, she realized she wasn’t being excluded—she was waiting for an invitation that no one knew she needed.
When she started inviting others in, everything shifted. Now, she’s the one who hosts the monthly mom brunch.

If You’re Feeling Lonely Right Now…

Please hear this:
You’re not broken. You’re not too late.
And you’re definitely not the only one longing for deeper connection.

Reaching out—sending that “Want to grab coffee?” text or striking up a chat at the park—might feel small. But it’s brave. And it just might be the beginning of something beautiful.

Want more thoughts on friendship, motherhood, and creating real connection?
I share more over on [Instagram @mindmadewell] or at [www.mindmadewell.com]—come say hi. I’d love to hear from you.